कॉफी

मैने कॉफी की मग नीचे रख, तुमसे सवाल किया ही था की जिस काम के लिए गये थे वो हुआ या नही, की तुम यूँ ही उठ के दरवाज़े से निकल गये| मुझे लगा की शायद कोई ज़रूरी काम याद आ गया हो वरना तुम भला मेरे सवालों को ऐसे अनदेखा कर तो नही जाओगे.
शाम तक राह देखती रही तुम्हारे आने का. आज उस शाम को बीते भी 4 शाम हो चुके हैं|

हाथों मे वही कॉफी की मग लिए जब खिड़की पर खड़ी होती हूँ , तुम्हारी वो पीली शर्ट गली के मुहाने पर लगी चाय की उस दुकान पर लगी बेंच पर दिख जाती है| ज़ी तो किया की वहाँ जाऊं और तुम्हे घिच कर वहाँ से ले आऊँ| पर फिर रोक लिया खुद को| वो बात याद आ गयी जो तुमने कुछ दिन पहले कोई कविता सुनाते वक़्त कही थी| "जिंदगी हर कदम तुम्हें कुछ नया सिखायागी अपनी अल्फाजों में पिरोती ऱहना हर एक सीख को ", ये कहके मुस्कुराने लगे थे तुम| इन दूरियों को वही सिख समझ रही हूँ मैं| वक़्त दरारें ले आता है रिश्तों में पर मर्ज भी तो वही बनता है|

दिल करता है की यहीं सामने बिठा कर रखूं तुम्हे और सारे गीले शिकवे डोर कर दूं. कितना कुछ है बताने के लिए तुम्हे, कितना कुछ तुमसे भी पूछना है पर नही, कभी कभी खुद को समेट लेने मे ही भलाई होती है. हर एहसास को बयाँ कर देना समझदारी नही होती|
कहा था तुमसे की तुम्हारी खामोशी बर्दाश्त नही होती मुझसे, शायद मज़ाक लगा था तुम्हे| तभी तो एक बार भी ना कुछ कहा ना नज़र उहा कर देखा ही मुझे|

चाहती तो मैं भी थी की इससे पहले मैं तुम्हे कोई तक़लीफ़ दूँ, तुम जिंदगी से चले जाओ मेरी| इस अफ़साने को एक दुख भरे अंत के बजाए इक सुहाने मोड़ पर छोड देना चाहती थी मैं, तो समझ लेना वही कर रही हूँ| शब्दों से शुरू हुए इस रिश्ते को, इन शब्दों पर छोड़ रही हूँ मैं. बस इतना ज़रूर याद रखना की किताबों की शेल्फ पर रखी उस नीली मग में कॉफी बस तुम्हे ही दी जाएगी| जब अपनी चाय के प्यालों से उब जाओगे तो भूले बिसरे ही कभी, कविताओं के उन पंक्तियों के साथ एक कप गरमा-गरम कॉफी पीने घर ज़रूर आना| तुम्हारी मनपसंद कूक़िेज़ तुम्हारे कॉफी मग के साथ तुम्हारा इंतेज़ार कर रही होंगी|

A walk to remember...

Weeping out the sweat beads materializing on her forehead, she finally locked the garage. It was almost midnight. She looked around, not a single soul was there, even the park was empty. Not even her Guard Uncle. She stood there, hands on her hips, thinking whether she should be there all alone like that or not. She looked at her clothes, shorts and a top. Would it be fine if she just took a round? After such a heavy meal, walking for a minute won’t do any harm, would it? She liked the idea and glanced at her parent’s bedroom. The curtains were drawn against the window. She stood there for few more seconds, analysing her decision thinking about what other people will think if they saw her at this hours, all alone, on her own? She decided it shouldn’t matter. After all their thoughts were not going to keep her healthy and fit.

She had hardly moved few steps when two bikers entered the campus, They were coming from the opposite direction, the rumble of their bikes and their shouting voices was in contrast to the deadly silence which earlier was spread in the premises. She could feel the fear gripping her. What should she do now? She can easily turn around but the street lights weren’t on.  She fastened her pace, looking at the cars parked on the road ignoring the men. She could feel her heart hammering in her chest. Oh! why did she thought going for a walk? What if something bad happened?  With each step she took forward, her fear gripped her more. All the negative thoughts started swarming in her head.
She looked around to find nothing but the rumbling noises and not a familiar face  to greet her back.  Hadn’t she just read about a victim few minutes ago?  Was she the next one?  She could feel the men coming closer, the tiny beads of sweat had covered her entire face. She knew that it was a bad decision. Being a girl how she could be so irresponsible? How could she even think of having a safe walk?  She was busy cursing herself. But as the men drew closer, her eyes were blinded by a sudden flick of light, directed at her face. She recognized the familiar scent of beedi that their watchman accompanies himself with.  He jogged towards her as she fastened her pace as well.

The bikers took the cue and sped past her, simply glaring in their direction. As she kept moving towards her apartment,  the Watchman accompanied her, whistling away, once in a while, holding his beedi in the other hand. “Goodnight, baby jee. abhi toh ham hai puri raat. Aap aaram se ghar jayiye.” He said walking towards his own little flat at the end of the street. As she climbed up the stairs to her home, the keys jingling in her pockets, she wiped away the sweat on her forehead. Her mother was standing at the door anxious and worried, “Where were you? You are fine?” she said the moment she saw her daughter in front of her. “Yes, I am fine. See.  I was with Guard Uncle, helping him in his night rounds.” 

As she climbed on her bed, the street lights had been switched on, She was still scared from the incident. The second, she started thinking about it, the Watchman whistled, breaking her chain of thoughts. That’s when she realized that no matter where you are, at which ungodly hour you need help. Some people are always there while other just materialize to help you out.

The Last Breath

How it feels
when you die?
Does it pain?

Do you wish
to watch sun rise?
Or watch it set?

Does the memory fade
or your life reflects
in front of your eyes?

Do you hear a song
or see a face
in your mind?

Do you regret
for the choices you made?
Or you feel glad?

Do you want
it to end?
Or want a new start?

How it feels
when you die?
Does it pain?